My husband is gone a lot. His job requires him to travel internationally and nationally multiple times throughout the year. I was used to this crazy schedule when it was just the two of us. But after we had kids, the time when he was away was really difficult for me. Those first few work trips he took after we had our second child were extremely challenging on every level: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. At the end of each day, I was completely drained and my exhaustion would turn into anger and frustration at my husband. I would be so upset when he returned home or when I would talk to him on the phone at night and he had just enjoyed a gourmet dinner and cocktails at a trendy restaurant with his co-workers and I was eating Dino nuggets and mac n cheese.
His traveling schedule was not going to change so the only thing that could be changed in this situation was me and my attitude. It took a few more work trips for me to figure out how to survive solo parenting and I want to share these 3 tips with you.
1) Have a set schedule (with wiggle room).
Each time my husband goes out of town, I write down our complete family schedule; work, school, activities, appointments, etc. But I take it one step further and schedule in any and everything thing I can think of; meal planning , daily errands, a laundry schedule, bath times, house cleaning chores, homework times, play dates, wake up times, and bed times. Anything that needs to be done or I want to get done, gets written down on the schedule. It may seem rigid but detailing and writing out a plan for the time your spouse is away makes everything easier. The chores are no longer insurmountable because you know what day you are going to do what. There are no rushed trips to the grocery store because you know what dinner is going to be that night. Uniforms and dance clothes are clean because you scheduled to do laundry the night before. And it’s funny, once you make the schedule you will find that you have extra time and plenty of wiggle room for fun. So organize that play date, say yes to that friend who asked you to meet for coffee, take that twilight walk outside after dinner with your kids. Make a schedule to keep you sane and then allow yourself to stray a little bit where you can so you can have unexpected fun too.
2) Ask for Help
The biggest mistake I made when starting solo parenting was thinking I was Super Mom and could do everything by myself. While it is possible to tackle every chore, errand, and activity solo, it is also exhausting, frustrating, and downright miserable. Trust me, and ask for help. Family, friends, and neighbors will see that you are alone and will want to lend a hand. Even if it is something as simple as bringing the mail to your door, watering your plants, or walking your pet, it makes a difference. Raising children takes a village so don’t be afraid to ask for other’s help when you are by yourself.
3) Do Things Only You Like
While your spouse is away, use this is the time to enjoy things that only you like. For example, my husband is not a huge fan of pinot noir or seafood pasta. So when he travels, I buy a bottle to two of this red wine and make a batch of linguini and clams to eat while he is away. Try to explore things that you, and not necessarily your spouse, like. During this time, I also binge on Netflix chick flicks, stay up late and read a new book, take long bubble baths, and experiment with face masks. Don’t get me wrong, this is all stuff I could do when my husband is not traveling, but it’s nice to have special things set aside to do and enjoy just for you.
Solo parenting is hard. You are outnumbered and it will be exhausting and difficult. Hopefully, these tips will help you not only survive the duration your spouse is away but also transition, manage time, find joy, and appreciate these moments you get to spend one on one with your children.
